Back in November I had just got my 'full frame' camera and boy was I excited about it. I was now shooting the same camera as the big guys. First assignment? Shoot a 'date night' theme downtown. So I asked Kay, who has modeled for me before, to polish up John (the boyfriend, who needed no polishing) for the shoot.
Now, if you know anything about me at all it's one thing; I'm a tortured soul with OCD tendencies and shooting just takes it to a whole nother level. Epic. Here's the ingredients, new camera, night shoot, night shoot with couple, have I tried this yet? And was I planning on shooting 2 people with no added light? One person was doable, but two? Uhmmm, come to think of it no. No I haven't. So twice the embarrassment potential. The night time temperature that night was maybe 88 with 300% humidity. Oh and we got one of those new 5 foot reflectors - the kind you might forget how to fold up and springs back to life with such force your heart just falls out of your chest. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
First up. Preshoot a couple nights before hand. We'll meticulously check all the areas we want to shoot and make sure we are pitch-perfect ahead of time. To give this shoot a date night feel with a story line, it needed dark shadows and lights. We went downtown and nabbed a couple standing under the bridge to pose for us. We explained what we were doing and they happily posed for us and I wish I would have asked permission to post their photos but at the time they had nothing to do with the story and I had no idea I'd want to have a blog. So use your imagination and make sure it appeals to the romantic part of you, when I tell you that the poses got more and more romantic to where I had the husband holding her leg in the hair, summer dress fluttering in the hot wind and all while gazing deeply into each other eyes. I was sure to focus on getting good hand placement to elevate emotion and tell the story. In hindsight, it was adorable and so trusting of them.
And we learned that we might have to convert the shots to B&W because of the powerful yellow flood lights under the bridge.
They look perfectly relaxed and comfortable in front of the camera but neither are true. It didn't help that a family walked right up and asked,
'Who are they?' Their little son kept tugging at Dad's arm, 'What are they doing, what are they doing? Dad? Dad? DAD!" Dad never glanced at his son and advised me if we needed a security detail he "does that." "I used to body guard for a bunch of famous people, Sylvestor Stallone. Robert Deniro. Al Pacino. One of them he went on to say was a complete Richard. Total drainhole." He wanted a conversation and wasn't stopping no matter how much attention I paid to John & Kay. So we moved our hollywood act back toward the restaurant. Here are some of those shots.
You can see the energy between them. There is nothing dead or empty here. There is no frozen posing. The life between them is jumping out.
A mile down the road is Stuart's town hall pavillion park. I hand John a bottle of blowing bubbles and they look at me unsure. I assure them they are to walk up the step and blow bubbles. And to forget about me and hubby.
Techy Stuff for photogs: This is when Chay (hubby) and I start getting a barometer on how each other's shoot is coming along. It's often crude and choppy. "What ISO? What ISO you at? Back and forth comparing settings REALLY?! What aperture you at? It's okay?" Translation What the hell happened to our pre-shoot light? OMG! I've got wrinkles. Nobody likes wrinkles.
Not even old weather worn sailors accept their wrinkles. You'd think they would wear them with honor and implied tales of the sea. Nope. Don't even think about. Nobody, and I mean nobody likes wrinkles. And, I had wrinkles. More wrinkles than they normally have. I take the time to understand what my subjects like and don't like about themself, whether it's real or imagined. It's imperative to understand their facial structure and body and what they like and what they don't. And I know Kay, she's picky and at 50 this girl is a total knockout. No make that at 20. Any age.
Why didn't we see wrinkles in our pre-shoot?" Well, the more frustrated I got the more Hubby and I changed shooting angles. What about 1/30 of second shutter speed? uh, that's a negative. Blur....when the shots just aren't coming out I"m thinking, 'What am I doing wrong? What haven't I thought about?
I never shot faster than 1/25th of a second that night and got as low as 1/8th of a second. That's a far cry from my 1/160th comfort level. I really sweated it out. I look back at this as a key shoot and pivotal in our technique and the process. Months later I would acknowledge this shoot as invaluable.
A photographer is suppose to always behave as if everything is wonderful and not show when things are less than par. Fortunately, this was a TFP gig, meaning nobody gets paid and everyone is doing the shoot for their own reasons. And since John and Kay knew that Hubby and I were vetting our business with shoots like this it wasn't too bad. The pressure isn't the same when you have a paying customer, obviously. But I try to shoot every shoot like it's the cover of a magazine. I shared with them my fear that we weren't going to have much to show for this night and felt the rare need to remind them this is why we are still vetting our business, because we are learning.
But hubby and I kept shooting and moving, our brains fighting through a maze of settings and options and fear. Fear of what? Fear of not being ready to be professionals yet. But wasn't that really ok? Okay because that is exactly what this was. It was a shoot to try something we'd never done before. We never shot 'Date Night' or 'Engagement' shoots. The camera was new. We were shooting at night with no flash. (yes, no flash).
I could talk endlessly about this shoot. Any shoot really. To me a shoot is a series of epic moments of great breath taking beauty and white hot fear of why isn't this or that working. Emotionally we are so spent after a shoot it's all we can do to get everything back home. The camera gear, props, our hearts and a dizzy headiness that is equal parts high and exhaustion.
Here is a link to a video I made for them in what was suppose to be the beginning of a 2 phase shoot, we had planned to do another before John left for the summer. But we didn't. Life isn't perfect. Fast forward to the present.
Dear John,
It's May 2011 and you've since snow-birded back to New York for the summer. I've chatted with Kay who asks that these pictures be sent to you guys in email no matter the resolution. I had been so reluctant to send them because I felt they weren't enough and made a video of the shots but was afraid of the individual shots.
She updates me that the cancer tumor in your tummy is now more concerning than it was originally thought. That doctors have recommended surgery. That you are torn what to do and thus far deciding against the surgery.
Now Kay is here and you are 1500 miles apart. These photographs that seemed subpar have taken on a deeper meaning. Their poignancy and joyful love add a sharpness that I never saw in them originally. I thought they weren't good enough. Now, I realize they are plenty good enough.
John, I know you walk close to God. That you are a man of God with deep faith and conviction, that all the decisions in your life are met with slow calculation. Looking, looking for a decisive sign somewhere from God before, before doing the big things in your life. I pray feverently for your health and happiness and a future shoot, where the lights won't again be perfect, nor the focus perfect, nor Kay's hair, or your glasses, it'll never be perfect. I'm learning to accept that most of my life's moments have been imperfect and that the sum of those imperfect moments is my whole life as is with everyone. Thank you for giving me an important photographic lesson and a deep life lesson.
~Lini in Florida
ON THE LIGHTER SIDE:
When nobody is looking do you leave the refrigerator door open?
While making a peanut butter & jelly sandwhich, yes, I like PB&J, at 4:30 A.M. I began to feel a little guilty. Not about eating in the middle of the night, but about using the refrigerator light to make my sandwich. So how long is too long? I considered this at length while I got my Gobbers jar and bread and a long shadow from the fridge made the knife I used look ominous.
What is the acceptable length of time for leaving the door open? Or is it what I did during that time that makes this bigger crime?
