I have new eyes

I'm not so happy today.  I seemed to have acquired 2 new things.  My eyes.  My new eyes.

They took a look at some of my own albums in iPhoto from just 4 months ago and guess what?  They kinda suck.  I see one problem after the next with every photo.  Some of the stuff that used to make my heart sing isn't so exciting today.  I see mediocore work. Or things that could have been simply tweeked and been way better.  WTF?

For tonight I'm just going to tuck this in the same file with everything else that's been resisting my progress since December 5th (when my email got hacked and appeared to set off a chain reaction of roadblocks and misfortune). Ok, before I go any further or try to become the newest (but oldest) new photographer in town I think I need to do a marathon shoot spree and just shoot the snot out of anything and everything and take a good look at what I see.


But this one is still good right?  'The Sultress'.

Road Block

For cryin out loud. How can I be further away from opening my business than when I started, what four months ago?  I'm going backwards.

The To Do List germinates nightly. I should have kept better track of what I HAVE accomplished maybe I'd feel better.  I have a nagging feeling. What if I'm making a bigger list just so I can stall this?  Am I getting scared of failing? I had no clue what I was doing when I started this could I be guilty of self sabotage?

I'm already in this so deep does it matter what the market research answers are anymore? Do I really need a business plan? Will it change anything? I still want to go forward, I love this shit so much that I can't walk away.  Besides time is running out at 55 what am I waiting for?  Does it matter if I find out that the total market for photography in my county is $20,000 rather than $20,000,000? How big is the pot that I'm trying to carve out a chunk for myself? Am I a flake for not figuring this out first? I'm scared. I'm over my head. I can't even come up with those oh-so-important 3 defining words of my business.

What?  Original, Unique and Exclusive?  Sounds too extreme and I probably can't always deliver that. But I could work towards those terms.

What about Girlie, Different and Heady?  I don't even know what I mean by that.

Ok, Daring, Original and cool?  How can a 55 year old know what cool is?

What about the logo? What colors belong to my brand?  What is my BRAND?!?!?!  What the hell is the name of my damn company?  How many domains am I going to buy before I settle on the right one?  Why doesn't my husband just shake me by the shoulders until my brain falls back together again in sheer exasperation?  I'm exhausted running in circles.

If I decide to put money up for professional help which profession do I need the most?  Personal coach? Marketing wizard?  Website guru?  Network geek?  Workflow genius? Seasoned professional photographer?  An attorney?  Accountant?  Shrink?  Funeral director?  I'm paralyzed by the fear of not doing it right. I need a caped crusader.

Sami Loves - Promo Video

Hah! I knew this was a lot harder than it looks. There is something very daunting about making a post. It shouldn't feel so serious. I'll work on that.

Sami Loves is a promotional video I made for Samantha Mediary Roth, who has a promising makeup artist career in front of her. We got together before the Jasmine Harper shoot and fired off a few shots. I was able to edit that into a promotional story line about her and her business 'Kiss & Make-up'.

More pictures from this shoot are coming. See? Boring post. So glad this is private blog.

Click Sami Loves in the prior post for the link.